Expat Partner Struggles & Solutions

Your partner’s overseas job offer seemed like the start of an exciting new chapter. A fresh start, a new country, and endless opportunities—what could go wrong? But now, you feel lost, anxious, and disconnected. You left behind your career, support system, and familiar environment. Language barriers make socializing difficult, and the pressure of building a new life mounts.

If this resonates with you, you’re not alone. Many expat partners experience Trailing Spouse Syndrome—a sense of loneliness, identity loss, and frustration. While it’s not a clinical diagnosis, it encapsulates the emotional toll of putting one’s career and life on hold for their partner’s success.

The Emotional Struggles of a Trailing Spouse

At first, it may have felt like a temporary break—a chance to explore, be a full-time parent, or take a gap year. But as reality sets in, frustration and resentment can creep in. You may feel like an outsider in a foreign country, struggle with self-worth, and question your purpose.

Many trailing spouses dislike the term itself, as it implies passivity. The feeling of “following behind” can lead to a deep sense of disillusionment, especially when confronted with the stark contrast between expectations and reality.

How to Reclaim Your Identity & Well-Being

The good news? You can navigate this transition and find fulfillment.

1. Build a New Social Circle – Engage in expat events, social gatherings, or volunteer work. Connecting with those in similar situations can provide comfort and support.
2. Find a Passion or Hobby – A new interest or goal can restore a sense of motivation and purpose, helping combat the identity crisis.
3. Learn the Local Language – Language classes can ease integration, foster local connections, and reduce feelings of isolation.
4. Seek Professional Support – Just as you’d treat a physical injury, addressing mental health concerns is vital. A therapist can guide you through this adjustment and help you rediscover yourself.

You might feel guilty for struggling in what seems like a privileged position, but your feelings are valid. Adapting to a new life abroad is challenging, and finding your own path is essential.

If you resonate with this and are looking for professional support, book an online session with me here where we can connect from the comfort of your own space to discover and unpack the impacts that expat living and adjusting has had on you and how you can reconnect with your purpose and meaning on this new journey in The Netherlands: www.carolyanpsychology.com